The Question That Creates More Than It Asks

“How four words can shift culture, strengthen trust, and save lives.”

It's crazy to think that connection today has never been easier, yet loneliness has never been greater. In Australia, more than one in three people report feeling regularly isolated and globally, suicide remains one of the leading causes of death, especially among young people. These aren't just statistics but reminders that beneath the surface of everyday life runs a quiet but serious crisis.

This is why in my opinion R U OK? Day really matters. Not just as a gesture of awareness, but as the act of being fully present. Too many organisations treat it as a campaign moment, a flyer in the lunchroom, some cupcakes in the kitchen, maybe a post on social media. All well-meaning, but super surface-level. Awareness is easy. Presence is harder.

Because presence isn't about shouting to the world that you care. It’s about stopping long enough to notice another human being. It’s about asking the question, then holding the silence, listening without judgement, and showing that their answer matters more than your timetable. It grinds me seeing companies reduce the day to cupcakes and hashtags, confusing symbolism with substance. They do just enough to look like they care, without really grasping what those four words can do when they are asked with intention. The real impact of “Are you OK?” isn’t in the campaign materials. It’s in the unseen moment when someone finally feels safe enough to say, “Actually, no, I’m not.”

What You Create When You Ask

When you ask “Are you OK?” What you're actually doing is creating space. For many, it could be the first time they’ve even been given permission to speak honestly. The act of asking literally signals, you are not invisible, your emotions matter, and I care enough to listen. That moment alone can be a huge release for many.

What Happens When Silence Breaks

Mental health challenges and struggles absolutely thrive in isolation. They end up convincing people they are actually alone, unseen, and forgotten. A sincere “Are you OK?” is a really easy way to break that illusion. It reconnects someone to the truth that they belong, and that their burden doesn’t have to be carried in silence.

What Changes When the Loop is Interrupted

Stress and anxiety move people and often trap them in cycles of thought that feel impossible to escape. Your question can be and act like a reset button. By disrupting the loop, it forces a pause, and sometimes even helps someone realise, maybe for the first time, just how much they’ve been carrying.

What You Give When You Offer Permission

Most people don’t share because they fear judgement, the feeling of being vulnerable or dismissal. If we ask the question directly and with presence, what you do is actually give permission. You make it clear that honesty is safe and when one person feels safe enough to answer, it often gives silent permission to others too.

What You Offer When You Stay Present

Most importantly, we offer presence. In a world addicted to distraction and overloaded with information, undivided attention is rare and healing. Simply staying with someone after you ask  without rushing it or solving it, is often way more powerful than any advice. It tells them: I am here with you, right now.

Why It Matters for Leaders, Families, and Friends

Leadership today, whether in business, families, or communities isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about asking the right questions with sincerity and then holding the silence and space that follows.

When we ignore these moments, people often withdraw, disengage, or just quietly leave. When you notice and act, you strengthen trust in ways that aren’t measured in data but are felt in the nervous system of every relationship.

From Awareness to Action

We seem to focus a lot on empathy, it's almost like the buzz word leaders use to show they get what's needed to manage other human beings. Don't get me wrong, it's super important as it helps us understand how others feel. B But compassion is the game changer, it's the awareness that becomes action and is what truly matters. Asking “Are you OK?” is compassion in practice. It doesn’t mean you have to fix everything. It means you noticed, you cared, and you stayed long enough to listen whilst being open to take action to change things.

That is how cultures shift. That is how despair is interrupted and most importantly that is how lives are saved.

My Closing Thought

R U OK? Day is not about campaigns or hashtags. It’s really about remembering that these small words can carry enormous weight. They have the power to create space, break isolation, interrupt despair, give permission, and offer presence. So ask with intention. Don’t tick a box and really make it an act of care. We may never truly know how much that moment meant, but the person you asked definitely will I promise.

Presence is not an accessory to leadership or even friendship. Presence is true leadership. Presence is leading with love. And sometimes, presence begins with a question...

Are you OK?

NIck Gray

IGU GLOBAL